for these dark and dreary days shall come to pass

i am an adult.

i'd prefer not to interact with anyone below 25, or really anyone at all, hence the lack of a name to call me by or a way to get in touch. a little personal site tucked away from social media engagement is exactly what i've needed for a long time, as it still allows me to put my thoughts out there while cutting down any real interactions with others.

i'm old and have seen the absolute worst in far too many people, resulting in my outlook on others being very misanthropic, unfortunately. people tend to prove themselves untrustworthy more often than not.

i have two wonderful partners.

for privacy reasons i will not name nor link to any identifying social media (at least in regards to the one who has social media) but i just wanted to let it be known that i do love them so very much and they're my whole world!!!

if i refer to them by any names it'll likely be 'my this-world partner' and 'my that-world partner' (even though i find them both to be equally present and here in my day to day life).

there are very few important people in my life so that makes my love for them extra strong. i hold both very near and dear!

i am dragonkin entirely unironically.

and have been for my entire life! i somewhat prefer the term theriomythic though, as it's simply gorgeous. seeing dragons in media really awakened something within me as a young child. i felt seen, understood, and like i'd found a bit of footing in this world. even with as unstable a sense of self as i have, the draconic part of me has remained unshakable. it's the only thing about me i can be certain will always be identifiable.

because of this, i've been interested in meeting other dragons, be they alterhuman, otherkin, etc... but i have my reasons for never actually going through with it. i've learned to be very wary of others to a point where i no longer know how to meet anyone new, and i'm not even sure if i have any genuine desire to do so.

i hope to share stories one day.

i am (and have always been) interested in kinetic visual novel development, and i've spent years daydreaming of stories. daydreaming is a bit of a bad habit for me since i tend to get lost in the clouds and it's difficult to come down from them, but i suppose it can't be helped.

when i (eventually) lock down on coding one of my stories, it'll likely be shared here. i'm fairly decent at art, or so i like to think, so the thing that holds me back most (besides procrastinating on writing the vn itself) is music. i'm very into fantastical, classical, romantic, sometimes hymn-like music, none of which i have any capability to create on my own.

since i'd likely want to at least be able to offer my story as 'name your price' or something similar, i'd need to pay for the rights to use the music of others..... which i can't really afford to do right now, either. so 'maybe someday', i continue telling myself...

i am a soulbonder.

it's understandable if you don't know what that is, as it's actively being erased with inaccurate terms such as fictive/tulpa, and that greatly displeases me. for reference, here is a wonderful site explaining the concept in detail.

while i do believe both fictives and tulpas are just as deserving of respect as any other, i do not believe either term is a proper substitute for the unique experience that makes up what a soulbond is.

soulbonds are, quite literally, the characters they claim they are. fictives and tulpas are both based off of pre-existing or entirely imagined 'original' characters, and both typically separate themselves from literally being said character. this is a very important distinction and it really drives me nuts that the internet collectively is phasing out one entirely unique concept of existence with an equally important but different state of such.

and, yes, if you're familiar with any of that at all i'm sure it's obvious i am very metaphysical and spiritual in my beliefs regarding this topic, which is a reason i loathe the tulpa 'community'. it's all just a giant circlejerk to see who can play psychological chess 'better' or 'more correct'. i hate it.

i love vintage stuff.

i don't know what it is specifically that draws me to it. i just think it's beautiful. and not just vintage aesthetics!! i am a huge fan of lolita/ouji fashion and anything victorian. admittedly i don't know a whole lot about how to classify aesthetics, so i don't know if dark academia is properly classified as 'vintage', but in my mind it fits into the same class of 'thing'. i would love to get my hands on a gorgeous typewriter one day, along with fountain pens and quill pens!

it also likely goes without saying that classical music is my favorite genre. there's just a level of elegance and beauty to it that transports me to another world, and i really live for that feeling.

i love religious and occult aesthetics.

crosses, crucifixes, stained glass windows..... all to die for! i want nothing more than to live in an abandoned church or castle or something, surrounded by old books and statues... maybe with a hint of vampirism sprinkled in. a dragon-dhampir is the (current) ideal combo for me, as ridiculous and strange as that likely sounds!

i'm also into magic and firmly believe it exists. it's all around us and those who can't see it are simply not on the same wavelength as it, which is a little sad, but such is life.

castles, vampires, lycanthropes, etc!

basically i just need to bite the bullet and get into castlevania. i started the netflix series in like early 2018 or something and i adored season 1, but for whatever reason i never got around to season 2. it's been so long now i'd need to rewatch the first one, and i've really been debating doing so.

i've also taken interest (very recently, as in 2022) in the games. i've been watching silent longplays online and while i've only finished watching the first game, it was quite neat. i think i'm most excited for symphony of the night, as i really liked alucard's role in what i did watch of the show. i hope i get to it soon!!

01/04/2023 // update from future me: i did get back into the netflix show and recently finished season one. going to start season 2 soon and also dive into the games because my partner bought me the anniversary collection as a holiday gift!

retro games.

i adore old games. i don't know if it's just nostalgia or if some of them really were genuine masterpieces, but i'm super into em! n64 - wii era is my favorite, including all nintendo handhelds in between.

i grew up with a fairly limited selection of titles, so my rose-tinted glasses really only apply to small portions of each relevant console's library, but i really do love these things to the moon and back.

i love, most certainly, ocarina of time, majora's mask, wind waker, twilight princess, animal crossing (lobo best villager), pokemon (specifically gens 4 and 5), tales of symphonia, super mario sunshine, banjo kazooie, conker, spyro, etc....

there are more than that of course, but those are the most important ones, especially majora's mask, which i have dreams of speedrunning one day. gotta get a capture card first though.... eventually. i do practice in the meantime!